Omolola has been counselling for many years. She is presently studying for her doctorate in Biblical Counseling under the renowned Rev. Jackie McCullough.
Dear Counsellor is specifically related to Divine Connection (DC) hence the same acronym.
If you are a mature single and have questions bothering on life, love and relationships, please feel free to ask here. Your question will be answered within 72 hours. If it is urgent, ask the question here and forward a copy to the Host of DC.
Together we can build joyful marriages.
Dear Counsellor, I was linked-up with a guy but I really don't think it'll work out between us. The reason is I don't find him physically attractive. His pictures on facebook didn't give me what I want on first sight. I believe you'll agree with me that two opposite sex have to find themselves attracted to each other physically first before taking it up from there. I would really appreciate your comments and views on this. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAttraction is important but it is not the most important thing when it comes to laying the foundation for a great union. Have you been reading my articles on the DC Hub (www.dckiss.blogspot.com? I'd say meet him first. People hear my voice and believe I have a huge frame, because my voice is deep and somewhat filled with authority, some even think I am a man! Few years ago people called a Nigerian actor unattractive, but today? A friend of mine almost decided against accepting a man's marriage proposal, why? She complained that he comes to church with a worn out nylon in which he puts his Bible! She never for a moment consider the fact that many men no longer bring Bibles to church and most of those who do ensure it is so small they can hide it in their pockets! My counsel to her was simple, "Buy him a briefcase!" My dear, they are still joyfully married today and are working for the Lord. God's will and the man's heart is all you need to grow love in your own heart. Pray, meet him and take it from there. I counselled someone who met a guy through fb; she did not like what he looked like or his grammar but with God and the right counsel, today they are married. She has succeeded in "tushing" him up and she is eternally grateful she did not pass him off as he has become her present help now that she is in medical need. God sends us those he sends us for a season and/or for a reason. One of those who showed interest in me some years ago refused to see me face to face because he believed I was so beautiful (from pictures he was shown), so well read (from what he read about me) and would not accept him... On my part, I concluded he must be so unpresentable and so unlearned or what would keep a young man from showing his face when he sends emails and speaks to me on phone! I recently saw his picture (yes, he was so timid and did not even send me a photo) and I was blown away! How could he have placed so little value on himself or perhaps the woman who married him made his innate beauty shine forth. If God is speaking, listen; do not despise God's connection. This man may be your man or the man who walks you to your man.
ReplyDeleteI will like to ask if it’s wrong for a lady to assist a man she is going out with financially?
ReplyDeleteA Yoruba adage says, "Owo ma n'ba oju ore je!" Literally this means money spoils the eye of friendship! This is a pointer to the fact that anything that is linked to money should be handled with care. You left so many things unsaid in your question, nonetheless, in an attempt to give you an answer my first question is, what do you mean by “going out”? If you mean friendship then I will say you can assist anyone you so choose but this must be based on your conscience and agreement. You may, as led by the Holy Spirit, give whatever you can afford to help a friend or even a stranger in need. You could give a loan but I always advise that the value of the loan must be something that you can afford; except this friend is worth banking on, do not bend over backwards to give what will cost you the friendship, if the friend does not pay back when due or decides never to pay back. If by “going out” you mean you are in a love relationship, then my question would be, for how long? What has been his track record? Is he trustworthy? Is your decision to “assist” based on the fact that he promised you marriage or because you expect him to marry you? So, what happens if he does not? Is your decision because you believe in him and would like to contribute to his success regardless of whether he marries you or not? Do you feel compelled to assist or you just want to play nice? Depending on how long you have been “going out”, I suggest you treat finances with a “date” just as you would treat money issues with a friend, the only difference depending on the value of the assistance would be that you may not ask him to sign a contract but please ensure you have a proof, especially if this is not a gift. However, my response would be different if by “going out” you mean “in courtship” or “engaged to be married”. If that is the case, you must learn to trust your man with your money because ultimately what is his is yours and what is yours is his (hopefully he believes in that mantra as well). Both of you need to sit down and review what he wants to invest in; if it is something you both agree would yield a benefit, then go ahead and assist. Make it clear whether it is a gift or a loan. Pray about your expectation as far as the investment in the idea or business and your investment in the relationship but be sure that you are not tying your assistance to any reward; this would ensure your expectation is not cut short. Let me know how things go between you two. Remember, we are here to listen and lead you in the right path.
ReplyDeleteVery detailed analysis and word of counsel but madam realistically this has very minimal success rate. When it comes to money and relationship especially outside marriage I strongly believe a lady shouldn't assist a man she is dating financially cause honestly from the different experiences I have and have seen in others the end result is 90percent times not positive. Rather their are many other ways to assist him get to his set goals.Also real responsible men would never allow it no matter what.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous, thanks for responding! Please join this site so you can continue to share your comments and suggest ways we can better serve mature singles. Except the success rate of supporting others has been researched, we may not say that it is minimal and the suggestion of 90% may be flawed. You referred to ‘dating’; in my response, I was clear that it is better to “treat finances with a “date” just as you would treat money issues with a friend”. Instead of arguing, I would agree that many have abused the privilege of financial assistance in relationship but I would not generalize that this means it is wrong or unwise. Any woman who is unwilling to support an intended husband may not be willing to support in marriage. What if supporting him before marriage is the only opportunity you have to sow into his life? I know a woman who struggled to send a man through school abroad, unfortunately the man began to feel threatened when the woman decided to also put herself through school but does his decision make her action wrong? Some years ago, my fiancé needed money but he would rather receive from friends than from me. I visited him and secretly left some money, when he discovered the cash, he took a trip from Ishaga to Lagos Island where I lived to return the money! I wanted so much to sow into his life because the Holy Spirit revealed where he was going to me; I shared the vision of his greatness with him but he couldn’t imagine how a village boy would become so blessed… He didn’t want money from me because he believed that it was wrong for a man to receive support from a woman especially when the man may not be able to return the favour. For me, a man who was too prideful to receive from me would be rather arrogant to share his wealth when his status changes. Real responsible men would ask for help and gracefully accept assistance from a divine helper regardless of gender. I recollect a friend’s fiancé who would stop us in our tracks as we saw him off to the bus stop many years ago to say, “You ladies, if you don’t want the conductor to beat me up, you better find me transport.” His fiancée would feel ashamed but we would laugh over it and hurry to get him some money. He was focused and was not a loafer so I understood it was just for then, unfortunately my friend did not see what I saw and eventually her stinginess and unwillingness to share her resources made the relationship go sour. Today the man is wealthy yet remains humble and down to earth. I would say, let the Holy Spirit be your guide in your decision to offer or receive help.
ReplyDeleteMany pastors and ministers talk about God's will but how would I know God's will in reference to marriage?
ReplyDeleteThanks for asking. This is a question that keeps popping up again and again. I am glad to respond for the benefit of all our readers.
ReplyDeleteGod may speak to you directly through audible or still voice, dream, vision, revelation, word of knowledge etc. But over and beyond these, God's will is contained in the BIBLE. Read it! Meditate on the Word of God and share with those who have better understanding. Make out time to listen quietly (Isaiah 30:15), God will minister direction to you in a way you can understand. Please order a copy of "What is wrong with us: Nuggets about mature singles" by sending an email to annecares@hotmail.com. The book contains real life experiences and inspired information that will liberate you and make your journey to the altar shorter. I pray God divinely connects you to His will and fill you with the joy of marriage.